Tacit
by hiei1317
Summary: Sasori has died. Deidara feels that love is lost and that he can not go on without his Sasoridanna. Zetsu is concerned, but what can he do?


a/n: this is a fiction that was inspired by a wonderful piece of art by the artist yellinyellow. I really don't have much that I can say about the piece without letting you see it for yourself. You can view it at y-gallery and deviantart if you like and it's under the same name as this fanfiction. Here's one link for it: http colon dash dash yaoi dot y-gallery dot net dash view dash 209083

please be intelligent about that link and put colons and dots and dashes where I indicate please or else I have no idea what you could come up with

Summary: Sasori has died. Deidara feels that love is lost and that he can not go on without his Sasori-danna. Zetsu is concerned, but what can he do?

Pairings: Sasori x Deidara, Deidara x Sasori, Zetsu x Deidara, implied Deidara x Zetsu

Rating: T for language and for angst

disclaimer: the Naruto characters are not mine! They are © to Masashi Kishimoto

enjoy

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Deidara POV 

How dare he? How dare my danna die on me like that? How dare he leave me here alone? How dare he leave his ring for that Tobi bastard to find? That kid doesn't deserve to where his ring. That's my danna's ring. My danna should still be wearing that ring…

I curl up in the room that we used to share, in the bed that we used to do things that would make most of the others blush, and fight the stinging tears in my eyes. I force my head into the pillow, the pillow that still smells just like him, just like my Sasori-danna. I don't want to ruin it, I don't want that scent to go away, but I think I'll go mad if I don't smell him right now. If I close my eyes I can almost pretend that I'm buried in his chest once more, not a pillow, and it only makes things hurt worse.

We had a long walk back, Tobi poking fun at my Sasori-danna the entire way while Zetsu remained decidedly silent. At that moment even I would have welcomed the silence, but I couldn't do anything except yell at Tobi, or try to laugh it off. Every laugh that I heard, every laugh that I gave, just stabbed a little knife further into my chest. I feel the first tear slip out of my eyes, and then another, and soon a floodgate opens, and I can't do anything but embrace it and cry.

I feel the sobs move through my entire body, the sobs that should never come out of a shinobi. Even I respect the shinobi law of being emotionless to some degree. I never really understood why shinobi couldn't become attached to people, why they weren't supposed to love. Now I know. It's because it hurts even worse when you love someone as a shinobi, since there are few that are precious to you when you become a killer. Sasori-danna is… was precious to me. And now he's gone. I have no one.

The tears come faster and harder, my stomach twisting into a hard knot that doesn't seem to want to let go. I cringe as I feel my stomach flip and I have to rush to the bathroom, my stomach emptying into the toilet. My danna used to hold my hair back when I was sick. He used to whisper soft things to me to try and calm me down. That's the side of my Sasori-danna that only I got to see and that only I knew. In a way I was blessed for ever having known that side of him, and him in general, at all. I feel my stomach do some more acrobatics, and the rest of the contents of my stomach heave out. I clench both of my hands onto the side of the toilet, both still weak from the akatsuki healers fixing them back up. I wish they hadn't, I wish I had been irreparable, then Sir Leader would have had to kill me, and I could be with my Sasori-danna again in death.

My stomach decides to calm down again, and I stand on shaky legs to move to rinse my mouth out. I stumble out of the bathroom and into the main room, leaning against the wall and scanning what was once ours. There's still some of his scrolls in one corner, the adjacent corner being mine and full of clay. The rest of the room seems empty without his tools strewn everywhere. I wish they had let me bring the body back, fill up the spaces here again. I wouldn't let Zetsu eat the body, no matter how much he begged. I couldn't bear the thought of my danna being reduced to just a pile of meat, just a meal. I shake my head. Zetsu gave up that fight pretty quickly. He seemed to respect the way I felt.

I look around the room again. I feel so lost without him. There's no place for me here now. I'm about to leave the room, to go for a walk, when a knock at the door startles me. I didn't even hear anyone coming, or even feel their chakra for that matter. This has me too shaken for my own good.

I sit down on the far side of the bed and hug the pillow that still smells of my Sasori-danna, "Come in, un."

I watch the door tentatively open to reveal Zetsu. He ducks into the room and closes the door quickly behind him.

I glare at him over the pillow, unable to think of anything but the way he wanted to eat my Sasori-danna as his human sounding voice starts, "Deidara, are you alright?"

"You didn't seem so great when we got back," his other half points out.

I scowl and then just frown, "I'm fine, un."

I see a sad smirk run across his face, "You don't seem fine."

"You look like you were crying."

"What's it to you, un? You just want to rub it in my face more that I've got to get a new partner now, un?" I yell at him.

He stops, apparently shocked that I would yell at him, "We didn't want to start a fight."

"We didn't mean to offend you."

I sigh and bury my face further into the pillow, "I'll be fine, un, go away."

I can't see him anymore, but I can almost picture him tilting his head to one side, "Pardon?"

"We couldn't understand."

I growl into the pillow and then take a deep breath. The breath brings the scent of my danna to me and my throat closes. I have to swallow three time before I can back away from the pillow to growl at him again, "I'll be fine, un, go away."

I bring my face back into the pillow, not wanting to see the fake concern that's drawn across his half-and-half face. I don't want to see the fake concern that he wants to drown me in. I feel him approach me and I have to look up at him, despite the tears that are threatening to form in my eyes again, so I can try to yell at him again, "I said go away, un!"

"We heard you," he whispers.

"We just want to help."

I try to turn my sadness to anger again, but it doesn't work, it stopped working now. I try to turn my sadness into anything, anything effective, but it all just turns back to the tears that start to build up in my eyes again. I have to hug the pillow with a choking tightness just to keep myself from bursting into tears again. I look up at him, not facing him, just watching him with my eyes. There are things in his face that I don't recognize in him. The white half looks sad, sorry, like it wants to hug me. The other side just looks bored.

I scowl at him, because seeing that bored expression allows the anger to build and I'm able to talk once more. I have to keep my voice quiet, afraid that if I talk any louder it'll just be a wordless scream, "Zetsu, I don't care what you wanted to do here, un, I don't know what you thought you could do, but you can't do anything. You can't do anything for me, un. Get out."

I look back at him to watch his reaction, and now at least his eyes both share the same expression, no matter how repulsive that pity looks. At least they both show emotion, "Deidara, let us help."

"Please."

I stop, looking down at the pillow so he doesn't see the shock in my eyes. He pleaded with me, and Zetsu never pleads.

"What did you think you could do, un?"

"We don't know."

"We had to try to help you, Deidara."

"Why? Un!"

"Because we care."

"And we didn't think anyone else would."

I stop again, then. Zetsu isn't supposed to care. He's supposed to be the strange, quiet one that trains the potential akatsuki members. He's the spy, the loner. He's the one that isn't supposed to care. Even Itachi is expected to care more than Zetsu, and that's really something.

I look up at him to find him standing inches away from me. He kneels before I can react, and now we're face to face, the only barrier being the pillow that I'm still hugging for dear life. He looks at me with even, caring, yellow eyes, eyes that can make a grown man cry, eyes that make me want to cry, but for different reasons. I want to cry because I see the care that's in those eyes. He doesn't pity me. He cares about me.

His black hand comes slowly forward, touching the pillow only at the corner, understanding that it means a lot to me and not trying to destroy that. He tries to take it from me, but I won't let go, I can't let go. I can't let go of my Sasori-danna. His other hand comes gently to cover my arms that are now straining to keep hold of the pillow.

I whisper out a plea, "No, un."

He tilts his head, "Deidara."

"Please."

There it is again, that plea. He pleads with me now. I feel my strength falter, faced with the soft tone of his voices, both his voices. He smiles encouragingly as he moves the pillow to rest it on the bed next to me, leaning forward, closing the space between us.

That plant around his head widens, allowing a much wider entry space as he continues to close the distance between us. It takes me many long seconds to realize what he wants to do, and when I do realize it's almost too late. Just as his lips are about to brush mine I turn my head away.

"Don't make me do this, un," my voice sounds weak and choked.

"We only want to help, Deidara."

"Let us make you feel better."

I shake my head, "I can't. Sasori-danna…"

"We're sorry, Deidara."

His hand comes up to my face, "We're very sorry."

Another thing Zetsu isn't supposed to do is apologize. He just doesn't. It seems all rules are being broken today.

Zetsu comes closer, brushing his lips against my cheek, "Let us help, Deidara."

"We won't make you forget him, we'll help you remember him."

"How, un?"

I turn to face him and before I can protest anymore, his lips are on mine, brushing over mine and caressing mine. His eyes don't close all the way, keeping a wary but soft gaze on me as my eyes start to sting with unshed tears yet again. His black hand comes to gently hold my left hand, which tries to move him away, with tenderness I wouldn't have thought Zetsu was capable of. His white hand comes to my right arm, gently rubbing it. He doesn't have to say how he's going to help me remember Sasori-danna now, I know. He's going to love me the way Sasori-danna loved me, possibly even the way he's always loved me. I'm not sure if he's always felt this way, but I know he does now.

My eyes close and I feel tears leak out. He pulls out of the kiss and gently rests my head in the crook of his neck. I feel like I should fear that large plant closing over my body, crushing me in half, or maybe him seeing me suddenly as a meal and taking a bite out of me, but instead he just caresses me, softly, and I feel strangely safe in his arms. My tears run freely from my eyes now, and I've learned to block out the fact that I should care. I don't care what shinobi law states; everyone seems to break it. Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, myself, and now Zetsu, we all break shinobi law, we all care for someone, or have cared for someone. I wrap my arms around Zetsu's neck as his hold on me tightens. I don't care what shinobi law says, everyone needs to break that rule every once in a while, everyone needs someone to care about, even if they never say it out loud.

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a/n: please let me know what you think of the fanfiction and go check out the picture as well 


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